The area to be covered is roughly the size of Romania, but Pentagon planners are detrmined to find a justification for their slaughter of innocents no matter what it takes.
Some of the funds designated for the reconstruction of Iraq are to be diverted to the project for the further destruction of Iraq which has been called: "Operation Total Excavation". The Pentagon said that it would not have time to stop and catalogue any mass graves that it may stumble across in the process as the troops can not stay in the country for any longer than 20 years or so.
Military planners are still discussing options for storage of the sand with one plan calling for the entire nation of Kuwait to be covered to a depth of 15 metres. The sand would be sold back to the Iraqis at a later date as one official explained: "It can only be a good thing in helping to open up trade relations in the region following years of sanctions."
However, some officials at the Department for Homeland Security in Washington DC have called for the sand to be shipped back to the US on top of the tankers carrying the free Iraqi oil. They said they would use it to fill sandbags to surround every major airport, power station and skyscraper in the US to protect them from attack by al-Queda.
But a secret source in the White House assured us that the sand was headed for the oilfields of Alaska where it would be used to make the Texas oilmen and friends of the Bush family feel more at home in "a simulated arctic desert environment".
The Pentagon stressed that they would have no time for archaeologists with their petty concerns and that soldiers have been issued with orders to shoot on sight anyone found wandering through the desert with chisels.
9th September 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
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