The Countryside Alliance has announced that Arthur Scargill is to be their next Chairman. The organisation hopes this latest move will mark an escalation in their campaign to "unseat the Government."

A spokesman for the Alliance, a Mr Derek Gadd of Lossiemouth said, "We have long-admired Arthur for his ability to take on powerful political leaders. He is not fazed by such niceties as 'political reality' or the need 'to win'. We are entering a crucial period for the Countryside Alliance and we felt we needed his experience and reputation to heighten our profile. Hopefully, Arthur can add a new dimension to our lobbying work and make everyone sit up and laugh!"

The move revives Mr Scargill's political career and will once again allow him to show his enthusiasm for taking on the Government of the day. Mr Scargill has welcomed the appointment. He told the Daily Spot about his firm desire to bring "Tony Blair to his knees, just like I did to Mrs Thatcher."

Mr Scargill promised to "Fight, fight and fight again, until we have to give in." He said that "Tony Blair has turned this country into some kind of capitalist tyranny. Just look at farming - simply because some top Treasury official has declared it to be the last hopelessly inefficient, uneconomic and over-subsidised industry left in Britain, the Prime Minister refuses to bail it out - it's outrageous!"

Warming to his theme, Mr Scargill dusted down his megaphone and riot shield and told Britain to prepare for a new wave of organised unrest. "Instead of the battle of Orgreave, it'll be the battle of Lower Massingham-in-the-Wold: I'm already preparing to tractor in a load of flying pig farmers from Oswestry!"

Top lost cause 'expert' at the Daily Spot told us that Mr Scargill and the Countryside Alliance are well matched. "Most of the agricultural industries are still hopelessly inefficient and are renowned for their fat, greedy, subsidised ways - they managed to escape bankruptcy for much of the 1980s by the simple expedient of "all being Tories" - but that won't help them any more. So far, it has been a long, slow painful death but now Scargill will change all that. The Countryside Alliance will be obsolete within six months."

15th September 2004
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