Middlesborough mobile phone user Kaye Jackson was devastated yesterday after doctors diagnosed that her painful urination condition combined with the swelling of her genitals was in fact gonorrhea.
Having recently read an article 'Wireless Worm Appears' Jackson is convinced that her ailment relates to cell phone use and has pledged to warn others of the possible dangers.
“I had a Nokia 3100 for four years and no problem, then I switched to a Motorola with Bluetooth and hey presto, one week later I have the clap. Coincidence? I think not!” Jackson claims that she feels she has the right to sue the phone operator who made no attempt to warn her of the risks.
“IT'S SHIT!” claims Jackson, “and it’s making life so much more difficult. I’ve slept with about 12 people since last Tuesday, and the only way to call them and advise them to see a doctor is to use the payphone at the launderette!”
15th June 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
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