In a result that is being heralded as 'the dawn of a new age in multi-cultural Britain' and derided as 'the inevitable consequence of apathy' Romanian Socialist party candidate Dejan Hagi resoundingly defeated competition from the established British political parties to win the Dover by-election.
With a voter turn-out of merely 16% commentators feared a triumph for the BNP, but instead it was the quietly spoken Romanian dentist Hagi, who only arrived in the country in 1999 who will today take up his seat in the mother of all parliaments.
Hagi admitted to reporters that many of his parent party's policies would be unnecessary to pursue in Westminster, 'a land dispute with Albania is less vital to Romanians living in Dover' he admitted, 'however my party's core policies of reform of an ageing and under funded health service and a woefully dilapidated public transport infrastructure fit very nicely into UK politics.'
Labour's defeated candidate Henry Agyemang hailed the victory as an example to an apathetic indigenous nation of the power of the democratic to stimulate the disenfranchised but also admitted he was disappointed to have lost a safe labour seat to a newly formed party whose policies have little relevance for the rest of the country, privately telling friends that he was 'unsure of his standing at Labour HQ after this setback.'
18th June 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
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