So, imagine this: you're sitting quietly in a pub one afternoon, perhaps reading the paper or having a spot of lunch, when suddenly you feel this almighty thud across the back of your skull. Thwack!
All the lights go out and it's goodnight Vienna. Next thing you know, you're sitting in a police car by the side of the M5, eating chips out of a bag and listening to the football on the radio.
Sound unlikely? Well that's exactly what happened last year to an increasing number unsuspecting civilians throughout the UK who found themselves press-ganged into joining the police force. Of course, the police haven't always taken such a proactive approach to enlistment. They have always been able to rely on certain groups within society to produce suitably eager recruits.
For instance, the socially or intellectually inept are traditionally enticed into the force by the prospect of exercising the kind of authority that they would be too effete and ineffectual to wield in civilian life.
The criminal fraternity are also attracted to the profession, as it offers countless opportunities for extortion, blackmail and fraud without the attendant risks of being on the 'wrong side' of the law. Then there's the boots and the shiny helmets - the very thing for the insecure neo-Nazi who wishes to compensate for his lack of identity by immersing himself within a paramilitary organisation.
And let us not forget that the police can also offer opportunities for the many witless retards who are much too slow to secure useful employment in real jobs.
17th July 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
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