The marketing department of Unilever UK today began the company's biannual drive to establish the Lipton-ice Tea brand in the UK. The drive has previously failed abjectly in 2002, 2000, 1998 and executives in the UK have little confidence that it will succeed this year.
Natalie Harris, brand manager of the product told Campaign Magazine, "Lipton Ice Tea is less popular in the UK than Rola Cola but the pig-headed stupidity of corporate marketing demands that a successful soft-drink brand in the US can be made to work everywhere-else in the world. To be honest we've made fuck-all effort with this campaign, the TV ads are breathtakingly poor, to the point of actually having a negative effect on a brand with almost zero sales."
Asked if she felt failure to establish Lipton Ice as a UK brand would affect her career, Harris replied, "What career? This product is the kiss of death for any marketeer. If God himself told the Pope to switch Iced Tea for wine in the communion we couldn't shift this piss in Britain."
3rd July 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
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