A spokesperson for Oxford English Dictionary has allegedly announced that it is to update the word ‘whitewash’ to that of a more contemporary meaning.
The reason expressed for this unprecedented move is because in the wake of outcomes of both the ‘Hutton’ report and the most recent ‘Butler’ report, it had noticed an increase in the use of the ‘w’ word.
This use was noted to be predominately made by dissatisfied anti-war parties mainly consisting of dss scrounging socialists, unstable communist dabbling students, blinker eyed far-left wingers old enough to know better and left-wing press, belonging to parties such as CPGB, Liberal Democrats, and R.E.S.P.E.C.T who’s leaders include Saddam sycophant George ‘Sir, I salute your courage, your strength, your indefatigability’ Galloway and Tony ‘what’s your favourite colour Saddam’ Ben.
The spokesperson speaking from anonymity who wanted to be known only as source ‘A’ commented “we had noticed that these specific people would argue that orange is really black if it was to help them justify why a man responsible for the deaths of 1.26 million Iraqis and other Arabs, and for the creation of 4.54 million refugees should have stayed in power. And how Veto nations should have been allowed to continue striking up oil deals and exporting arms to this man if the sanctions were brought down”. “And it was this that made us feel after a brief thought out discussion that a more contemporary change in the meaning of the word was nothing short of fitting under the present circumstances”.
Meanwhile in another relevant development, left-wing protestors holding up ‘Bliar’ and ‘No-war’ placards on a ‘weekday’ outside parliament have called for another enquiry into the enquiry because it did not give them the conclusions that they were all hoping for.
A whitewash official for the group said “we will keep calling for enquiries at the tax payers expense for all eternity until we get the result we want, even if that means re-writing history, facts or stamping our feet crossing our arms and dropping our bottom lip”.
“The fact that Tony Blair did not even say as much as sorry is most upsetting to us” they waffled on.
18th July 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
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