Tony Blair emits a “cry for help” so high pitched that normal people cannot hear it.
While studying the Prime Minister, researchers noticed that when these "terrified screams" were processed by a bat detector, an abundance of ultrasound was detected.
The researchers believe that these sounds might be "secret" screams for help” - that Blair’s political opponents are unable to hear.
Scientists know that some rodents make ultrasonic noises, but they have never been able to work out exactly what they are for. Now, at last, researchers have detected an ultrasonic noise in the House of Commons which they think has a clear meaning.
James Smith-Boffin, of the University of Archway, made the discovery while studying grey squirrels and Young Conservatives at a Golf Club in Cheshunt. He suspected that the squirrels were communicating using “honest and truthful statements” that were simply “outside of the normal human hearing range”.
Detecting ultrasound in a rodent is not groundbreaking, but it has never before been detected in a political leader.
13th August 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
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