The scheme, to be introduced in January 2005, is part of a number of measures to clamp down on people who evade renewing a wide range of licences.
Under the rules, which were unveiled last December but only come into effect on January 1st, offenders will be given an on-the-spot fine of £100, as well has having their sets electronically modified for a month to be able to receive only UK Gold. If after that period a licence has still not been obtained there will be a further fine of £500 and reception of UK Gold will be replaced with a special new channel, which will show an episode of Mastermind, followed by a 1968 interview with Malcolm Muggeridge, in an endless loop.
Douglas Ramsbottom, a spokesman for the BBC, said that the Corporation had pressed the government to make this change and was glad to see it finally in effect. "We really need those licence fees," he said, "and although we would have preferred not to have had to go with such draconian measures, we feel that it is only fair that those who do pay for our fine programmes should not subsidise those who do not. We think that a steady diet of Mastermind and Muggeridge will soon get licence hold-outs back into the fee-paying fold."
A Downing Street official, speaking on condition of anonymity, told our reporter that there is no truth in the rumour that couples must now renew their marriage licence annually and that failure to do so would mean that the licence, and therefore the marriage itself, was invalid. "I know that this will disappoint some people," he said, "but that, I'm afraid, is how it is. Anybody wanting a quick way out of a marriage might be better just not renewing the TV licence and hoping that Mastermind and Muggeridge drive the unwanted spouse out."
She quickly added that that suggestion should not be construed as official government policy.
24th August 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
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