The government is set to finally acknowledge human societies attitude to prostitution:
You either pay for it or you don't. The broken home secretary David Blanket threw aside the covers to reveal a ramrod straight set of stiff measures that he intends to push through the chamber.
"I do not intend to ram this down parliament's throat by force. I would prefer this to be a thing freely accepted and given but if they were to proposition me on the matter I would point out that we are already paying a terrible price by the existence of prostitution on our streets.
His new plan is to bring prostitution off of the streets and into the account books together with pension, savings and investment portfellatio's.
Call girls under the age of 18 are to be given a 'special dispensation'. He said the purpose of this legislation is to "Break the stranglehold of pimps stuffing their slags with skag" and bring control of this social ill into the arena of the courtrooms where it belongs.
Judges and prostitutes are both known to take bribes, wear wigs and fraternise with local police officers so bringing these two ago old institutions together under the same umbrella makes perfect sense.
17th August 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
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