Asylum seekers have been dressing as pantomime horses to smuggle themselves into the UK. The flood has led to calls for stricter controls on fancy dress hire, amid fears that terrorists could strike during the festive season. The Prime Minister urged people to be extra vigilant over the holiday period and warned of tough decisions ahead.
Scots Tory leader David McLetchie estimates that up to 5,000 people may have illegally entered Scotland by simply dressing as a pantomime horse and getting the train from London. "Last week in my constituency, an Afghan family applied for a council house while dressed as Widow Twanky".
Intelligence agencies have warned of a plot to flood Scottish cities with Chechen orphans disguised as the seven dwarves. The claim has alarmed Dwarf Rights Groups, who fear it will lead to reprisals against those below average height.
The Home Secretary conceded as much in his Commons statement. "Yes. It will lead to all sorts of bother for many people. But that is the price we pay for living in a democracy".
The trade in human misery has spread to the Carribean where Rastafarian Jamaican yardy boy "snakehead" drug gangs have been employing horses as mules.
The mules are sent in horse containers by air or by sea, often accompanied by women who have swallowed an asylum seeker.
21st August 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
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