What many have suspected for years has now been confirmed - Scotland is full of arseholes.
The claim is made in a report by the National Census Analysis Group, which examined in detail the demographic breakdowns provided by the most recent UK wide census.
John Sargent of NCAG said, "Scotland showed consistently high results across a wide range of negative indicators. Ignorance, ill health, a misplaced superiority complex and a raft of other self-destructive behaviours show Scotland to be one of the worst countries in the Western world for just about anything you care to name".
The report, which runs to 115 pages, cites numerous instances of disappointing national characteristics and warns that without corrective action, Scotland is doomed to become "the men's toilets in the third division football ground of Europe."
Ten reasons why Scotland is full of arseholes
Highest rate of teenage pregnancies in Europe ( 9,000 a year)
Riven by sectarianism
Huge incidences of heart disease and cancers
Home to vicious racism (up to and including the murder of refugees)
Confused view of history (often leading to anti-English attitudes)
Political ignorance (even when ripped off financially by politicians)
High degrees of piety
Increasing rates of crimes by working class people against other working class people
Above average levels of obesity
Massive use of high interest store cards
Said Sargent, "It is sad and ironic that the country which gave the world the Enlightenment has descended into a morass of suspicious alcoholic dimwits incapable of getting out of the bath without the assistance of a hoist and a vodka and the promise of a fight once they're dry."
The NCAG report brought a surprisingly measured response from MSPs. A spokesman for the SNP claimed that the findings only strengthened the case for a fully independent Scotland.
"Until the Scots people take charge of their own affairs we will never be able to tackle these issues head on and move forward to the future." Archie Sim of the SSP said: "There is nothing in this report which cannot be resolved by education."
Cammy Shields of the Scottish Tourist Board was more forthright. "It is disgraceful to single Scotland out like this. I'm sure that if you were to look at these figures proportionately, you'd find that the bastard English have got just as many problems." more
18th August 2004
Shocking New Study Reveals Millions of Nation’s Sheep Afflicted With Shit-Covered Ass Disease
A new study commissioned by Newcastle University has revealed that almost all of the nation’s sheep are currently suffering, to one degree or another, from Shit-Covered Ass Disease.
“A lot of us in the scientific community were shocked by the data,” admitted Gary Powell, an Associate Professor of Farm Animal Biology at Newcastle University. “I mean we knew the condition was prevalent, but to see it in basically a hundred percent of the sheep population, well, it just staggers the mind.”
Farmers, however, were not surprised by the news.
“Sheep don’t wipe their asses,” said David Jones, a local sheep farmer. “Never have, never will.”
Jones went on to explain his theory that the reason so many sheep are afflicted by SCAD, as scientists have dubbed it, is that sheep do a lot of shitting, and that shit tends to stick to wool.
“That’s just my opinion though,” added Jones, who went on to explain that, “I ain’t no scientist boy o’.”
The full report will be published in next month’s edition of Wonders of Science.
19th August 2004
Text to Meet
This is me..
I am sexy and fun to be with, as well as sex I like a good laugh and
someone who can be discreet. I love Scandinavia and History, music and animals so a variety of
things interest me. email me.
Text to Meet
This is me...
Im a bubbly, fun loving woman. Who enjoys spending time with friends. I
have a good sense of humour and would like to meet a guy who makes me laugh!!I have a wide range of
interests such as listening to music, going out and relaxing at home. I would love to find some one
who I can share this time with.
Text to Meet
This is me...
Am a down to earth sort of person wot u see is wot u get am nothing
special and want nothing serious, been there done that like most of us on here, life is far too
short, so lets enjoy wot we have left, I'm a teaching assistant if that helps, oh anything else u
can ask...life can be a bed of roses, except I think life left the thorns in mine lol. Am a member
of this site mwah x
Text to Meet
This is me...
I'm a bit disappointed about men as such...I would say I'm just normal.
I've got a good job, I consider myself successful...just need someone to change my opinion about
men:-). I'm looking for intelligent men, ideally between 35 and 45, for some hot sex sessions.
Text to Meet
This is me...
Not terribly good at writing about myself but here goes!!. I am a 36
year old woman, I am independant but not overly so. Just circumstantial. I like to laugh and like
people who can make me laugh. I like good conversation, I like to socialise and to meet new people.
I am a very down to earth person with a strong character - sometimes a bit of a day dreamer! Some
say I am witty but that depends on the people I am with. In friends company it comes naturally.
Text to Meet
This is me...
Some would describe me as kind, caring and loving but that will depend
on who you are talking to. I am open and honest and like honesty in others. I prefer someone who
isn't afraid to show their feelings and talk about what matters to them. Other than that I haven't
got any specific preference. If any of this strikes a chord please feel free to contact me! Oh and
don't be put off by piccies!!. They were not meant to be glamour shots!!
Phone sex girl of the month
Hostess featureI am creative, independant, energetic, sometimes impetuous (ie a risk taker!), fun loving. I am content with my owm company but can't help feeling that life could be even better with the right partner. I used to be an art and dance teacher but have had my own business since 1998.
Text to Meet
This is me...
My interests are salsa dancing, jazz, blues & salsa music, computer
graphic design, reading, plus the usual films/cooking or eating out. Physically I am very fit and
trim, and people assume I am in my 30's rather than 40's! I would like to meet someone who is
optimistic, humorous, motivated, and has intregrity. You could have your own business, be around
40-55, tall (5'10'+), like music and or dance/sport, share my sense of humour (irony and the
ability to see the ridiculous side of life). Plus I would probably have more in common with someone
who has had children. Not sure whether I believe in "love" but certainly companionship, respect and
a loving relationship.
the DAILY SPOT
“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
BDSM
Text for Sex
Cheating partners
To the Galleries
E-cards
PoD
Sponsors
DVD porn to your PC
Sex Shop
Parlour feature
Welcome to Buntys, Greater Manchester’s No.1
Adult Massage Parlour, located only a few minutes drive from Heaton Park with easy access from the
M60 and not forgetting home to some of Manchester’s finest and most versatile masseuses which
we pride ourselves in selecting only the best.
Our aim is to provide a friendly, relaxed
and sensual atmosphere and with up to 3 girls working daily, aged between 18-40 who offer a wide
range of services from slow & sensual to domination to explicit two girl lesbian scenes, we are
confident you will find the right girl to tease, please and satisfy your every need!
