As expected, this year's A-level results for England, Wales and Northern Ireland have once again improved, with the pass rate rising slightly to 96%, the twenty-second successive increase. 22.4% of entrants received an A-grade, up from 21.6% last year. And according to at least one analyst, that puts us on track to becoming a nation of geniuses by 2015.
School Standards Minister David Miliband denied that the year-by-year improvement in results is because standards have dropped and exams are getting easier.
"That's simply not true," he told our reporter. "If anything, the exams are getting harder. For example, in order to stand a chance of getting above a C grade, a student not only has to show up for the exam at the right time and place, but also must get his or her name completely correct on the answer sheet. It used to be that they only had to get it mostly right."
"I welcome these results," he added, "because it puts us on track to meeting the target of a diploma for all that we proposed earlier this year. And the clear, undeniable fact is that as a nation we are becoming cleverer and cleverer."
We asked Peter Snow, media statistical analyst and illustrator, what the trend in A-level results implies. He showed, by means of a series of handbells of gradually increasing pitch, arranged on a ten metre long multicoloured board with lots of flashing lights, and, for a reason we did not enquire about, a bunch of grapes, that, if the trend continues, by 2015 80% of the UK population, excluding Scotland, will officially be classed as geniuses and the remaining 30% "very clever", with everyone having at least twelve grade A, A-levels.
"Or is that genii," he asked.
"And we can't say anything about Scotland from these statistics," he reiterated, "although you may wonder about a nation that considers offal boiled in a sheep's stomach a delicacy."
When our reporter, who received a grade A in A-level maths five years ago, pointed out the error - that 80% and 30% add to 110%, which is more than 100% and therefore statistically highly improbable - Mr Snow said that it was mainly because of the inherent uncertainty in statistical analyses, and also because some of the bells probably needed tuning.
20th August 2004
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“I am delighted that my challenge has been backed by over 1/3 of all labour MPs and that I that I secured the support of 14% more MPs than I needed to spark a leadership contest. Or to put it another way, that is a 70% increase on what was required, allowing for seasonal adjustments due to absenteeism which is measured by an index based upon a propensity for sickness and holiday averaged out over a 36 month period, divided by the average age of an MP squared. These figures could not send out a clearer message.”
The notoriously frosty relationship between the PM and his Chancellor had sunk to new lows in the weeks leading up to todays announcement. In an off the record interview with Heat Magazine, Brown is said to have criticised Blair for being a “spineless spin master whose supposed superiority has seen success only sporadically”. When the alleged leader of the opposition, Michael Howard, confronted Mr Blair in the Commons repeating Brown’s remarks, the PM could not hide his anger:
“My message is simply this – in my mind, if it is anything more than mere mischief making by the most malicious magazine on the market, then myself and my honourable friend must meet so he may make known his misgivings to me.” Blair did add that he was confident that the Chancellor had been misquoted. In private however, according to an unnamed cabinet source, Blair was said to be seething at the magazine article and at one stage threatened Brown saying “I should beat you to death with your own leg”.
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